Race Report

If this is what sixty years of age is like, then I’ll take it.

So far, in my experience, this is a selection of what’s involved:

*    You get to gather together something on the order of one hundred of your friends, family, and loved ones (many of whom fit into more than one of those categories) to celebrate, via a ridiculous

bicycle race featuring a titillating theme, not only your own birthday, but also favored pursuits like beer-drinking, book-reading, and cannabis eating
*    You’re privileged to enjoy the largesse of amazingly generous companies and individuals who gift you with samples of their products and wares in order to allow you to extend that generosity to the aforementioned friends, etc., thus enhancing the celebratory nature of the celebration.

(I speak, of course, of these: Portland Design Works, Sock Guy, Liquid Courage Flasks, Pabst Blue Ribbon,  2020 Cycle, Oury Grips, Swift Industries, SKS Germany, Walz Caps,  Peddler Brewery, Pace Sportswear, Bar Mitts, Kryptonite Lock, Toast Tea Threads, Ooola Distillery, Wood Shop BBQ, Cyclefab, All-City Cycles, Twin Six and, Cars-R-Coffins. with a special shout out to Vapolution Vaporizers, who continued their decade-long streak of support, this time with the Vapolution 3; thank you all, we are not worthy!

*    You have the good fortune of being awestruck by the speed and determination of the bike racers, notably now-three-time-time-trial-winner Rob Johnson, whose decision to avail himself of the pot-cookie-time-bonus earned him narrow victory over second-place finisher Fast Fred and perennial podium stander Torrey K., as well as Monica G.,

whose victory in the First Lady category was, this year, untainted by judge’s error
*    You’re able to raise over $150.00 in donations to Planned Parenthood, just by having fun!
*    You get to feel like a bigshot at your favorite local watering hole thanks to an amazing staff and free beer courtesy of Peddler Brewing

*    And even the weather cooperates, partly clouding with just a little drizzle after dark!

Sixty Is Sexy!

In celebration of bikes, beer, recreational cannabis, friends and family, reproductive choice, a new number in the "tens" position of one's age, and the hope that, even as a person shuffles ever closer to the grave, they can still put a little dance in their step, a little wiggle in their walk, a little schwing in their stride, and with a little luck, retain a modicum of the very appeal that makes all human life possible, 327 Words proudly presents the Sixty Is Sexy! Time Trial, an alleycat-style bike race featuring loads of hot and nasty checkpoints and plenty of naughty performance detraction options  beginning at 2020 Cycle at 21st and Union in Seattle, WA on Saturday, April 1, 2017 at 3:27 sharp, signups commencing around 2:30 or so.

Come on out and put the fun between your legs in order to ride hard (or nice and slow as you like it.)

Riders, getting racy in a group time trial format, will titillate their senses and get smokin' hawt as they arouse themselves to some of our fair city's most alluring locales.

NOTE: More or less accurate Strava route, with some additional miles at the end that should be ignored:

https://www.strava.com/activities/914594737

That's right, uh-huh, sex on (two) wheels, rain or shine, no crying or fatal crashes allowed.  Ten bucks suggested donation, (includes a $2.00 donation to Planned Parenthood) with free shot glasses for the first 60 riders,

Prizes—cash and bike schwag—to be awarded for fastest times, men’s and ladies’ divisions, as well as runner-up positions, including, of course, DFL.

Prize sponsors and friends currently on tap or being recruited include:Portland Design Works, Sock Guy, Liquid Courage Flasks, Pabst Blue Ribbon,  2020 Cycle, Oury Grips, Swift Industries, Vapolution Vaporizers, SKS Germany, Walz Caps,  Peddler Brewery, Pace Sportswear, Bar Mitts, Kryptonite Lock, Toast Tea Threads, Ooola Distillery, Wood Shop BBQ, Cyclefab, All-City Cycles, Twin Six and, Cars-R-Coffins.

Embrace this chance to make some sweet, sweet bike love, and always remember, Safety Third!

Friends, relations, and those too lazy to ride, but not to drink, are invited to show up at Bill's Off-Broadway  after about 6:00 for more sensual delights, and stimulating prizes, too!